Reversed Lullaby

The walls in my house are paper thin and my wonderful gift of a sister loves to blare her music while she is completely unconscious. This is truly frustrating because my bed is basically adjacent to her speakers. Normally I turn on my fan, but since it is always freezing at night I haven't been doing that lately. Instead I have turned to music. This week it has been the group on my page called the Visionaries. 

I categorize music by vaule and there uses. I have my dancing, workout, relaxing, party, sleeping and finally listening music. Listening music is the type of stuff that you really pay attention to. Sometimes I can be listening to a song for a while and it will go off without me noticing. This group on the other has legitimate lyrics or at least it is the type of music where I would go all out and find all of the lyrics to their songs so I can know exactly what they are saying. Even if I don't google it I will still listen intently while flowing completely with the melody and the beat. 

My favorite is Humanitree though. I can relate to it which isn't really a good thing in this case, but I can none the less. I  don't read books or listen to music to be reminded of my life, but when I am it is kind of nice to know people are still real and not these over made up characters in this story called life. 

"There's a little bit in you

There's a little bit in me

There's so many branches of the humanitree"

Their songs make me want to get all dolled up just to go outside and dance in my front yard so all of my neighbors and the hills surrounding me could see. If my speakers were loud enough I really would. I have the perfect sundress that I could wear during this fanciful moment that would perfectly with the mood even though it is the middle of January.

"On the verge of blacking out, the minute is now colossal

Dossal fluids transform to raging waters full throttle"

Thinking about it now is causing me to loose interest in writing this blog so I am going to go and listen to it now. Ta! Oh and the title of this blog is a link to another one of there albums that would suggest listening to because my ears are truly liking the sensation they are receiving from this prime collection.

I'm a Triangle not A Square

I'm not a square even though I think it would be cool to be a square watermelon, but I am not a watermelon either. You see I had/have some bad habits, but just about everyone does. These habits are just things I do like lying to my parents. I mean to do it, but recently I have learned that I don't really need to anymore on some things... those other things are not worth the risk of getting that well known "no." I hate that word when it is coming from my parents mouth; for now though I shall save for another day. The things I do have are morals. I know my boundaries are try not to break them. True I have broken a few, but I still haven't killed anyone and that one is pretty high up there. Well lets say that I specifically haven't killed anyone without reason. I can;t say that I haven't thought about stabbing a certain person over and over, but those are only thought and if I had the chance to act on those thought I would take it because my arm isn't strong enough to stab someone repeatedly and it would be to messy of an act to complete. I other words I am a little to lazy to be going around killing people. Going back to the subject at hand this basically started because I didn't want to partake in there little burping games. I don't think I am better than people so don't think I am a snob it is just like apples and oranges to me. By the way I am the orange and we are different that burping apples. Anyway, then someone called me a square and it wasn't said like a joke its was said like it was supposed to be an insult. I don't go around talking to people about all of my business because I find that completely unnecessary for people to know everything about me. Even some of my good points like I don't go around say that I can keep your secrets so tell me dammit. People can think whatever they want about especially if I hardly know you because that makes your opinion even less important. If you don't know everything thing about some you shouldn't be making petty little comments to people. For some reason though this really got under my skin. IT was unfortunate that it did so, but things happen and when one thing happens something has to come as a result of that and that reaction just so happened to do with me.

So like my tittle says: "I'm not square I'm a triangle."

Daily Charades

I have yet to perfect every talent in this world, but the one talent I have fitted under my belt is looking like the perfect daughter. I do it so well now except for the small moments where my plasterd smile cascades into a deep frown. I could care less what people think about me, but I have learned that no one takes much intrest in a surbubly made ginger bread house. They would much rather talk about one with a missing gumdrop. So while looking like this cookie cutter child I get passed by with a returned smile with out even the slightest double take. I know this to be true from experience, recently during a visit so my father's cousin's house I was able to sit through the whole conversation without saying anything except for yes after being asked if I was okay. As soon as he had my answer though he started up a new conversation about Seven Pounds with my sister. This role used to be reversed however, but no one likes an attention whore. And once a person is type casted as such the majority to the cumminty attempts to deprive that person of attention. I am certainly not saying that I was like that, but I was a genuinely happy child unlike now since I feel the need to fake the most simplist of emotions. 

The one emotion that I haven't concorded is sadness. The most I can do is make an obvisouly half - hearted frown. Like for 9/11. It truely is impossible for me to be sad about that. Well in the general sense of the word it was a sad thing that all those people had to die because someone else wanted to make a statement. Maybe it was only an unfortunate happining, but if I say it that way it sounds a tad petty. Either way I haven't been able to cry over it and I doubt I ever will. Things like that never hit home with me because it has nothing to do with home. 

Tomorrow is a Monday which means I will masquerading through the hallways of my school for another week until Saturday when I have my break. Ta ta till then don't hurt your faces trying to master this skill. 

Sick in the Head

Some people mustn't have any boundaries because people are always going a step to far. Some things shouldn't be possible like finding enjoyment within another one's pain. I can admit to being guilty to suck things like walking in on someone without them noticing then making a sound to give them what seem to me a laughable jump. We never really think about the other half until after it's over. 

I am speaking from current experiences right now. I can be immensely disturbed sometimes that it will bring me to tears within a few seconds of replay. Just now I learned the vision of someone else's blood touching me brings my body reason to become rigid and my lungs to hyperventilate. Maybe now I should begin to keep brown bags near the side of my bed. One subject I have always been neurotic about is that of disfigured people. I could care less if that makes me a cold and heartless person and if people think I should trip and become disfigured myself because it is the honest to goodness truth. My mind has decided The Hunch Back of Notre Dame is to blame for this point of weakness. I literally cannot look at movies like Elephant Man or any kind of documentary about such things like the Bark Person. Why is it even acceptable to give people these inhumane names anyway. I feel somewhat bad referring to some one like that, but I don't know there actual names. It seems as if I am writing about some kind of freak show that I have seen before all I am missing is the infamous Breaded Lady. I can handle her. The instant bringer of mental scrutiny is the harlequin disease. It is the most distressing thing I have ever seen. I saw a picture of fetus with that disease for about five second and I started to cry instantly. I still want to mewl of the thought of that dreadful thing and even after the sincere expression of my emotions my blood  sharing tormentor regardlessly chooses to jeopardize my well being with threats of these terrifying images.

What is a sense of humor and how are you even supposed to know when you have gone to far when your own moral compass doesn't even exist? Unfortunately, I don't have all the answers so I suppose my door will be locked for a little while longer tonight and my therapeutic candle with be lit tonight as well.